i dont wanna work for anything anymore. i dont want to understand things anymore. i dont want help anymore. i dont want to fix myself anymore.
i dont want anything anymore. its too late. people did not get me. they minded their own sh*ts while also making my mood sh*t. had enough, lets destroy the things, but this will be last time. feel like gonna destroy everything. im bored. bored, bored. same sh*ts again and again. nothing changes. its only up to me. and i am bored so i choose destruction. generally all my wish is take care of my brain well and make it not die. study on it, i might not end myself right now so i say this is my general wish. what i wish right now is, people i want to talk last time. though even this will not come true since i can not contact with all of them. life is cruel, and if god exists, god is too -though i know i shouldnt criticize things from a human's perspective-. well, f**k it. i cant explain all my sh*t here.
kalbimin batmasına her daim neden olan,
nefes zorluklarımda baş rol oynayan.
kafamı vurduğum zamanlar duvarlara,
bağımlılıklarıma attığım adımlar,
yaşadığım kriz kadar
emeği olan varlıklar.
gerek kenara çekilip sorgularla
gerek sözümü kesip lafa dalmanızla
gerekse aldığım binlerce tehdit, öfke
gerekse de maruz kaldığım akbabalar.
ya kendimi kesmeme,
ya duvarlara vurmama,
ya sıcağa maruz kalmama,
ya da buraya sürüklenmeme.
belki de çeşitli yollar aramama.
bazen yatakta daraltı gelmesine
bazen başımı yükseltemememe
bazen düşünmekten çıkamamama
bazen göz yaşıyla boğulurken uyumama
bazen burada bunun gibileri yazmama
bazen kendimi kesmeme
bazen kafamı vurmama
ve titrememe
ve bazen de kendimi ağır yargılamama.
ve bu noktaya gelmeme.
yaptıklarından bir haber yaratıklara,
ya da gözü kör varlıklara,
belki de verdiği sözü tutamayanlara,
bazen de yanımdan ayrılanlara.
tanıdıklarım, veya tek sefer gördüklerim,
tebrikler, işte bu sizin eseriniz.
is it just me that
thinking i lost my everything
was it the end?
will i see you again?
while i try being alive?
is it only me that
crying before background?
feeling i lost it
like its been over?
waiting for you, dear
im on ground,
put my head
between legs.
is it just me that
i am gaining another trauma?
back to my darkness
crave for getting lost.
i miss you so much already
tell me, how long will it take?
while im lying crumpled
all i know is i wasnt ready
i will wait for you my dear.
keep a white rose on my hand.
ending myself is my biggest fear,
loosing your hand slipping from mine.
i am now here on my desk again, writing a poem
for a person i am seeing like a poem
this is not my first time, comrade
i will keep bunch of papers when you are back,
or spare you my body.
would you feel bad if i be there as always?
would you feel like you'd lost your enthusiasm?
for getting lost
alone?
i will wait for you, my rose
soft tears sliding away on my cheeks
for the first time, i have no one
no one that would wipe them.
----------------song----------------
now i would stay here, expect for your hand
now i would stay here, expect for your hand
dear you dont know how much i love you
now i am staying here, expect for your hand.
♪
soft words, coming out of me
now wasnt that, you were craving?
now i am singing alone, expect for your hand.
expect for your hand.
expect for your hand.
come back to me, when you wish
would accept you, as you come for me
you are the only one who would
wrap my wounds.
♪
im chilling
on the edge
soft wind caressing my face
all i do is
wait for you.
i want to get dissolved within wind
till i reach you
i want to get lost within wind
till i reach you
the god is tired now
he is on knees
he cant get up
he cries on tears
seen that you dropping tears
approaching you with fear
afraid of cant touch you
cant make your heart glow
the moment angel puts all away
heat surrounds the vessel
white rose is visible
i give it to you.
only thing i care now
putting myself away
its only you.
the angel tired now
he is on god's shoulder
he is afraid that
he cant help
i now reach you
hold my hand on you
im dropping dusts
you might think
its over
but its false.
would give my all
the wind blows hard
my heat increases to the point
i am dissolving
but i don't care
now this angel only wants your good
as i dissolve through the wind
i want to reach you.
the dusts dropping to the ground
as i kept stubborn
but its okay, its only you
i dont care at all.
even after i go,
take my dusts to yourself
maybe they might help.
im burning up now
the words coming out
feels like they are melt
the slight wind approaches
as im dissappearing.
im at the edge, gazing far away
im sweating
as my parts flies away
but its okay.
maybe they might help.
(bkz: #3837997)
"...
mekan dükkan olmalıydı muhtemelen
yerlerde kar vardı
gözümden geçip giden tonca anı
içimde damlayan kan damlaları
çok geç artık
işte hergün aklımda canlanan ânım"
resimde çok iyi değilim kusura bakmayın
titriyorum
hiçbir şeyin anlamı kalmamış gibi
neyin doğru veya yanlış olduğunu bilmiyorum
sanki hiç gerçek değilmiş gibi
elimde kan gördüm,
yüzlerinde kan.
gözümde yaş gördüm
yerde kan
mekan dükkan olmalıydı muhtemelen
yerlerde kar vardı
gözümden geçip giden tonca anı
içimde damlayan kan damlaları
çok geç artık
işte hergün aklımda canlanan ânım
im laying on the floor
drowning in my red tears
smells like metal
smells like pain
smells like suffer
its finally cold
but im drowning in my warm blood
my heart is hurting so much
i couldnt bear that, im unconscious now
they cant smell it, they are distant to me
im
im just so sorry
im running to you
hold your hand
let you get out here
if i ever trip on my dark stone
falling on my knees, if i ever cannot reach you
i would drown on my tears
my body feels light, its so warm
its so warm, the floor filled with tears
help me, its so warm
i couldnt wipe your tears
please kill me already
hit my head
to the impudent walls
knowing my pain wont decline
knowing its part of me inside
black trauma covers around me
the black blood flows on my ear
my brain covered in
my heart destroyed
but the whisper of shadows
keeping me death alive
the hands squeezes
and fluids named tears
its just too bad
why it had to come true
black trauma crushed my brain.
it does not stop.
im covered with tears
and everytime i write
my heart beats harder
im laying crumpled on the bed
since the morning, the pain comes.
fills my chest, breathing becomes
harder that, i cant define, nor explain myself.
worse thing is actually can't write well.
feeling like my chest will collapse.
what if its a reflection of past?
what if same confliction happens
what if i also get you tired?
what if i also make you distance?
what if i again stop everything?
what if i again lose control
that i cant give a hand anymore?
what if i also...
what if i lose you too...
what would i do
buz dikitlerinin vücuduma girdiği şekilde,
ciğerlerime işleyen oksijen kırağı oluşturur içimde.
bedenimin içini buz kaplayarak,
midemdeki asit donarak,
kalbimin atış hızı yavaşlayacak,
elbet sonunda kararacak.
kelimelerin kökünden,
açılan kapının sonuna
gelen soğuk zemheri,
beynimi yavaşça söndürüyor.
içimdeki yanan bu ateş
önüne geçen her canlıyı kül ediyor
her ağacı, her hayvanı, her insanı...
planım bu değildi. yemin ederim...
sever miydin beni yine böyle ahmak olsam?
önemser miydin beni yine böyle bencil olsam?
değer verir miydin beni yine böyle kıskanç olsam?
yaklaşır mıydın yanan bu cehennem ateşine?
verdiğin bu paha biçilemez şeyi taşıyamıyorum
elime geçen her mücevheri parçalıyorum
omzuma yaklaşan her eli, değdiğine pişman ediyorum.
ben yalnızlık bilmez bir düzenbazım.
yanan bu ateş diniyor, şimdi yaklaşıyorum balkona
sakin soğuk, benim gibi bir şeytanı dindiriyor
seriliyorum yere, sakin rüzgar bedenimi kaplıyor
etrafta karanlık dağları saran bir atmosfer var
uzaklara bakmaya başlıyorum, beynim soluyor
koyu mavi yorgan bedenimi kapladıkça
vücudumdan göç ediyorum.
normal sözlük'ü kullanarak 3. parti dahil tarayıcı çerezlerinin kullanımına izin vermektesiniz.
Daha detaylı bilgi için çerez ve
gizlilik politikamıza bakabilirsiniz.
online yazar listesini görmek için lütfen giriş yapın.