centurion: hail caesar!
pontius pilatus: hail.
centurion: only one survivor, sir.
pontius pilatus: ah. thwow him to the floow.
centurion: what, sir?
pontius pilatus: thwow him... to the floow.

[centurion brian’ı yere atar]

pontius pilatus: now... what is youw name, jew?
brian: brian, sir.
pontius pilatus: bwian, eh?
brian: no no, brian.

[centurion brian’ı tokatlar]

pontius pilatus: the little wascal has spiwit.
centurion: has what, sir?
pontius pilatus: spiwit.
centurion: yes, he did, sir.
pontius pilatus: no no, spiwit's, um... bwavado... a touch of dewwing-do...
centurion: oh, um, about eleven, sir.

pontius pilatus: so... you dawe to waid us?
brian: to what, sir?
pontius pilatus: stwike him, centuwion, vewy woughly!

[centurion brian’ı tokatlar]

centurion: thwow him to the floow, sir?
pontius pilatus: what?
centurion: thwow him to the floow again, sir?
pontius pilatus: oh yes, thwow him to the floow, please.

[centurion brian’ı yere atar]

pontius pilatus: now, jewish wapscallion...
brian: i'm not jewish, i'm a roman.
pontius pilatus: a woman?
brian: no no, roman.

[centurion brian’ı bir kez daha tokatlar]

pontius pilatus: so! youw fathew was a woman. who was he?
brian: he was a centurion... in the jerusalem garrisons.
pontius pilatus: weally? what was his name?
brian: naughtius maximus.

[centurion gülmeye başlar]

pontius pilatus: centuwion, do we have anyone with that name in the gawwison?
centurion: well, no sir.
pontius pilatus: well, you sound vewy suwe. have you checked?
centurion: well, no, sir, um... i think it's a joke, sir. like, uh, sillius soddus or biggus dickus, sir.
pontius pilatus: ...what's so funny about biggus dickus?
centurion: well, it's a joke name, sir.
pontius pilatus: i have a vewy gweat fwiend in wome called biggus dickus.

[lejyonerlerden biri kıkırdar]

pontius pilatus: silence! what is all this insolence? you will find youwself in gladiatow school vewy quickly with wotten behaviouw like that!
brian: can i go now, sir?

[centurion brian’ı bir kez daha tokatlar]

pontius pilatus: wait 'til biggus dickus hears of this...

[lejyonerler kahkasını tutamaz]

pontius pilatus: wight! take him away!
centurion: oh, sir, he...
pontius pilatus: no, no, i want him fighting wabid wild animals within the week!
centurion: yes, sir. come on, you.

[centurion gülen lejyoneri dışarı çıkarır]

pontius pilatus: i will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy! anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when i mention my fwiend... biggus dickus?

[lejyonerler gülmemek için kendilerini zor tutarlar]

pontius pilatus: what about you? do you find it... wisible... when i say the name... biggus... dickus?

[lejyonerler kendilerine hakim olmakta zorlanırlar]

pontius pilatus: he has a wife, you know. you know what she's called? she's called... incontinentia... incontinentia buttocks...

[lejyonerler kendilerini daha fazla tutamaz, gülmeye başlarlar]

pontius pilatus: shut up! what is all this?! i've had enough of this wowdy, webel, sniggewing behaviouw! silence! you call youwselves centuwion guawds!

[pontius pilatus brian’ın kaçtığını fark eder]

pontius pilatus: seize him! seize him! blow youw noses and seize him!